“Kids suck” quote from James Beaudette – my very close friend
Jim and I have been friends for over 30 years. We first got to know each other when we began coaching our sons in soccer and our relationship has grown since then. We each had three children and many conversations would inevitably turn to something one of our children had done, which we would both find hard to fathom. The conversation would usually end with Jim stating his conclusion which we both share.
After 40+ years of consulting with family businesses, I could tell you stories about children in my clients’ businesses that would make your head spin. Some had unbelievable success; some abject failure; some were responsible young adults and others entitled brats, I have seen it all. I would almost be embarrassed to tell you how many times I had to lean in to a parent or parents and confide what Jim had taught me long ago.
But out of these experiences came some valuable advice on how to handle kids in the business. Now some of this will sound like motherhood and apple pie, but I have found that it does work. So here are three pointers.
The first is, family is family and business is business. I watched a young son take a $20 million business to over $1 billion in 20 years. Two young brothers who had worked part time in a business stepped up when their father passed away and turned it into one of the leaders in their industry. I also watched two brothers who were in dispute over leadership resolve their differences by craftily splitting the business resulting in two household name consumer products companies. The common theme here is while they shared that important bond of family, they never let family issues blur what they had to do for the business. It was appropriately striking this balance that resulted in each of their successes.
The next is when kids are in the business, be honest with yourself and your children. This is most important when you face major milestones and one that comes to mind is succession planning. I have done more than one succession plan where the end result of my work was that the oldest sibling did not become the heir apparent. They all ended with both successful transitions and with all talking to one another at Thanksgiving. I would love to take credit but it was the direct result of honest dialogue about the objectivity of the process and the importance of keeping the business sustainable. I have also walked away from assignments where the parents wanted me to “anoint” a family member as the next leader. To quote “In Living Color“, “Homey don’t play that.”
Finally, know the difference between being a mentor and being a parent. This is perhaps the toughest task of all. Too many parents make decisions as a supervisor (in one case to support the project a daughter was proposing that had little merit) with their parent hat on versus their mentor cap. This can enable bad behavior, lead to the ill-fated “bosses kid” syndrome and doom your child to failure. So while I am sure that on occasion you will reach Jim’s conclusion about your kids, try to be disciplined and follow some simple rules and you will find kids in the business can work and your family business will beat the odds of next generation success.